Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Why

I always felt like when people asked "why did this happen to me?" that they needed to just rely on God. I mean, seriously, just pull it together, stop whining, maybe it had to happen to somebody, so it was you. I'm not known for extreme gentleness to others. I have kind of a suck it up attitude, grin and bear it, you'll get through it. I know, it sounds like I'm some mean uncaring person, and I'm not like that in all situations. I've sent my share of get-well cards, I've cried with friends, I've made meals, bought things for people, etc. So, when I learned yesterday that I had my third miscarriage, I asked why does this keep happening to me. I cried and cried. I thought, come on God, don't put me through this again. I understand and can sympathize with those who ask why things had to happen to them, why it's hard to just trust God. But that's what you have to do. That's what got me through the other miscarriages and God is doing it again this time. I have learned to lean on Him even more. People are there for you, sure, but God is there all the time - at 3 in the morning when you suddenly wake up and can't get back to sleep, in the middle of the day while dealing with kids, He's there to just pray to and ask for strength.

So, maybe I'm being taught patience, maybe I'm being taught more gentleness, which is something I've been working on developing for a few years now. Whatever it is, I know the Lord is teaching me. I will be open to Him and do His will. It's hard, it's easier to cry and mope, but it's the right thing to do and the thing that will help me the most. And when somebody says why did this happen to me, I can respond in love.

4 comments:

Amanda said...

Amy I'm so sorry. I have asked the "why" questions many times myself. Praying for you!

Tiffany said...

Well written Amy, we all are in the Refiner's fire. We are definatly keeping you guys in our prayers! Love you!

Brenda Rae said...

Wow what a lesson I have learned today from you. I can't imagine what you are going through but I will pray...

heather said...

I'm sorry Amy.
Thank you for sharing your faith, your patience, your peace, your willingness to look for the blessings in the rain, and your obedience through your sorrow.

Hugs and prayers from a (virtual) stranger. :)